Winners of this year’s Relay For Life campsite decorating competition, Breast Friends, gather prior to the opening ceremony on July 15 at Lake Mendota. Among the members of Breast Friends is Virjean Haywood, sixth from right, who delivered the Survivors Speech. (Reporter photos by Bonnie Morris)

MENDOTA – Stories of survival are usually not funny. Survivors must call upon qualities such as courage, strength and determination to live through any type of life challenge.

But Virjean Haywood, who gave this year’s “Survivor Speech” at the Relay For Life of Upper Illinois Valley, wanted her talk to be funny. As she began reflecting on her diagnosis of Stage 3 colon cancer in March 2013 and the surgery, chemotherapy and recovery period that followed, she realized the humor she had hoped to infuse in her story was not really possible.

“I decided it’s because there’s nothing funny about cancer,” Haywood told the crowd during the Relay’s opening ceremony on July 15. “It’s a six-letter word and there truly is nothing funny about it.”

Haywood, who retired from Mendota High School in 2012 after 35 years of teaching, was more than ready to begin the next phase of life. She loved her job and her students but she had big plans for her retirement. At the top of the list was a dream vacation to Tuscany. “I had a huge picture of Tuscany in my office at school, CDs of Tuscan music and a calendar with scenes of Tuscany on the wall,” she chuckled. “I was ready to go.”

The trip was scheduled for March of 2013. Three months before the trip, on New Year’s Eve, Haywood experienced her first symptoms. “They were scary but I tried to ignore it,” she recalled. “I thought it was just stomach flu and would go away.”

The symptoms did not go away. After seeing her doctor, a colonoscopy was ordered and along with it, her first test of patience. “I was in a new insurance plan, so I had to wait to get approval to get a colonoscopy,” she explained. “The wait was nerve wracking and long, it tested my strength.”

Haywood was not really concerned about colon cancer. Since it’s hereditary and nobody in her family had it, she knew that would not be the diagnosis.

The colonoscopy was finally scheduled for March 6, which meant the trip to Tuscany had to be canceled. Even more devastating, the result of the test was a tumor on her colon about the size of a fist although Haywood admitted the news did not sink in right away. Fortunately, a friend had gone with her and took notes on everything the doctor said. The next day when Haywood read the notes, she had to call the friend for further explanation.

Three days later, Haywood went through the test results with her doctor. As the doctor explained the situation and what would happen next, Haywood interrupted and asked if this meant she was going to die. “She was very kind but said, ‘You are facing the biggest, most difficult time of your life and this will be the biggest fight you’ve ever had. It is a fight for your life,’” Haywood recalled. “She told me the surgery would be lengthy, I would have a rough recovery and then there would be chemotherapy.”

The next hurdle for Haywood was delivering the news to her family, which in retrospect was harder than hearing the diagnosis herself. “I’m a ‘fixer’ and kept thinking that I had to fix this,” Haywood said.

The only way to fix it, though, was to take the next step and choose a surgeon. Haywood’s doctor had given her a list of surgeons from which to choose. With help from some friends doing research, they all agreed on the same surgeon, Dr. Julius Bonello of Peoria. By having the surgery done at St. Francis in Peoria, Haywood learned she would have same team of doctors at the Ottawa Cancer Center.

Virjean Haywood concludes her Survivor Speech by leading the crowd in an acapella version of the song, “Lean On Me.”

Although Haywood was advised to take her time and not rush in choosing a surgeon, she was in a hurry. “There was something ugly growing in my colon. I started calling it Rosemary’s Baby and I wanted it out,” she explained, drawing a laugh from the crowd.

Haywood had been told it could take some time to get an appointment with the surgeon but due to a cancellation, she was on her way to Peoria two days later. “I was so excited - I was going to get Rosemary’s Baby out of there and I could not wait,” she laughed. “Dr. Bonello was a joy. He was funny, he loved Elvis and he was calming.”

On March 26, Haywood was wheeled out of surgery to applause, cheers, grins and high fives from her family and closest friends who were there for support. And then, the work began. She ended up staying in hospital longer than expected due to complications and learned the unpleasant side of colon cancer. “Bodily functions were not something I had ever acknowledged or talked about,” she said.

Haywood was shocked to learn from her oncologist that the tumor had been there for 10 years. He said she would have 12 chemo treatments, would not lose weight or her hair and would not have many side effects. It sounded easy. She felt great after the first treatment, but as time went on, it got continually worse. “It is emotionally and physically grueling,” she admitted. “It takes inner strength and a WHOLE lot of support from family and friends.

“I’m looking at a whole lot of strength out here in your purple shirts,” she added, addressing the many cancer survivors in the crowd.

While Haywood was very grateful for all the support she received, she also compiled a list of “unthinking comments,” things to avoid saying to a cancer patient. Her most hated comment, “It is what it is.” She explained that people have to fight so hard against cancer and when people said this to her, it seemed to imply acceptance and negate the importance of never giving up.

Next, “You are going to lose tons of weight.” Haywood said this implied a bright side of chemotherapy but she emphasized that other than destroying the cancer, there is no positive side effect of going through chemo. After hearing that comment repeatedly, she said it felt like a slap in the face.

And last, “Whoa, your scalp is just glistening in the sun.” Haywood said she did not lose all her hair but there were clumps missing and she really did not need to be reminded.

On the positive side, Haywood was very thankful for the many people who knew how to show support - not through their words - but through their actions. She recalled one friend who cleaned out her refrigerator, another brought her a grilled cheese sandwich, another offered to pay bills for her and a neighbor asked if she wanted him to pray with her. All were gratefully accepted.

Before starting chemo, Haywood thought she would be able to fill her recovery time by watching movies, reading books and other quiet activities. The chemo made that impossible though. “I could not concentrate, my speech pattern changed and I could not complete a thought,” she said. “And I had to learn to ignore statistics. The stats for colon cancer were not good so my oncologist told me I was not allowed to use Google any more because every case is an individual journey.”

Once she was able, Haywood admitted that she talked way too much about her illness - even though she really tried to stop herself. Even so, people always listened. At times she felt alone but that was never really true. “I had family, friends, church members, neighbors and medical personnel all with me,” she emphasized. “I wasn’t alone. Never. Even neighborhood kids would ask if I needed anything. Bless them, all of them. Bless you. You are not alone. If you feel you are, call me. I will be there in a heartbeat. You are braver than you believe, stronger, smarter and twice as beautiful. You have a chance every day to choose to feel blessed, grateful, excited, thankful and happy.”

Haywood concluded by saying she once read a definition of optimism as someone who thinks taking a step backwards after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s merely doing the cha cha. “Let’s move forward with a smile, with thanks and with a cha cha in your step.”

Other participants in the opening ceremony included Mendota VFW Post 4079, which presented the flag; Girl Scout Troop 1645 leading the Pledge of Allegiance; and Brady Hughes, Sam Masini and Eric Masini, who performed the National Anthem. Rev. Susan Presley of First Presbyterian Church Mendota gave the invocation followed by comments from Dr. Amit D. Bhate, a 1995 graduate of Mendota High School, who is currently the medical director of radiation oncology at KishHealth Systems, a corporate sponsor of the Relay.

Leland Delvallee of Oglesby, 4, a stomach cancer survivor, is introduced to the crowd by fellow survivor Nancy Jackson of Mendota during the 2017 Relay For Life in Mendota.

This year’s Relay Leadership Team included Nancy Jackson, Rita Borelli, Linda Kofoid, Elissa Borelli, Myrna Simon, Vicki Tolley, Ashley Montgomery, Jesse Arellano and Sandi Maas. Maas said they had 21 teams with about 250 participants, calling it a good-sized crowd. She also felt that the decision to shorten the Relay to 12 hours this year was a positive step, “I think it was a good thing, the weather was perfect and more people stayed until the end at midnight.”

Maas was also excited that this year’s Survivor Dinner had the largest crowd ever with 95-100 survivors registered. She was again impressed with the luminaria ceremony held after dark, during which over 400 luminarias were lit. “It’s a very moving, emotional ceremony,” she said.

As of Monday, the 2017 Relay had raised $75,500, very close to their goal of $80,000. Maas noted that people have until Aug. 31 to make donations, so they still hope to meet the goal.

As always, the Relay For Life is a community effort. Maas said they were grateful to have help this year from Mendota High School students, Mendota Pool staff members, volunteer golf cart drivers and the Mendota Police Department and Mendota Fire Department. “It’s a big team effort,” she emphasized. “It’s a great cause and we’re excited about how we did.”

To make a donation or for more information, visit www.relayforlife.org/upperilliniosvalleyil.